365.

This day on June 7, 2012 was not my favorite day. I had been up since 4 AM and drove home to California, away from the impending end of a friend's struggle with cancer. They had been expecting it for over a week before I had left.

That evening I got the news. I was with my mom, sister, and niece running some errands. It took everything I had not to break down and cry right there. My niece wasn't aware of what had happened. She continued to ask me what normally wouldn't have been annoying questions, and I regretfully snapped at her a couple times. I was just trying to hold it together until I got home.

The breakdown came the second I got home as I finally let it completely sink in what had happened. On one hand, it was a beautiful thing - Someone being released of their pain and sent off to paradise. On the other hand, I was losing a relatively new friend who had such a huge impact on my life in such a short time.

Alex, I miss you a lot. We all miss you. But I know that you are doing far more important things up there than what we are doing down here.

Until we meet again.

Completely Insane.

 Well, I did it. I actually completed all 9 weeks of Insanity.

It was hard. I definitely became discouraged throughout the program and thought about giving up a few times when I was feeling particularly lazy, but by some miracle I actually stuck with it. And trust me, that's a huge miracle.

When I was a kid, I was very active and played soccer for about 12 years. As I became older, I guess I got lazy, and I stopped playing soccer so that I could do theater. Moving out didn't prove to be helpful in a physical sense because I took so much advantage of the fact that I had a card at BYU that allotted so much money a week to use for food on campus, and there just so happened to be Taco Bell. Mmmm.

After so long of not ever being motivated to truly be healthy or keep up with a good exercise program, my body had really decided to show me the fruits of those "labors". I became so distressed with how I looked and cried a few times when I'd look at old pictures of me from high school seeing how skinny I used to be. So I decided something drastic needed to happen, and I chose Insanity. I did the exercise part of the program, but didn't follow the nutrition guide. I actually eat pretty well now for the most part, and I don't eat a ton, but I do indulge in Taco Bell more often than I should.

Personally, I don't feel like I can see a difference in me physically (probably thanks to the Taco Bell). People have told me otherwise, but you know, it's hard to see on yourself because you are your own worst critic. But some very positive things have come out of this:

-I am strong. I am so much stronger than I have ever been in my life. This has been manifested in my climbing. Before I started Insanity, I felt as though I couldn't improve and I was in a rut. But now, I am starting to work on 5.11s and that's pretty incredible to me (even if I have a long way to go).
-I have more energy. Despite the fact that I will always have mono and therefore I will always be tired, I have noticed a significant improvement in my energy. I don't feel so sluggish anymore and I have noticed my body moves more easily.
-I am happier. For the past few years, I have been battling a lot with depression and anxiety, and couldn't figure out how to make it ease up. Since I started Insanity, I feel happier and less stressed than I was before. Which is pretty spectacular to me.

I have decided that I'm going to take a break this coming week by doing lighter exercises, but after that, I'm going to restart Insanity, and this time do it without eating any fast food. I'm also considering juicing (smoothies, not steroids). That way I can incorporate more veggies into my diet in an easy and tasty way.

Below is my before and after picture. Don't mind the fact that I'm in my underwear... And it is pretty embarrassing how much I let myself go before. But I'm just going to let this be even more motivation to continue improving and to continue in a healthier lifestyle.

Thankful Monday

I have noticed that over the past couple of weeks I have been feeling sad. Maybe it's because within just a couple weeks of each other, two different sets of best friends from Utah came down to visit me and just drained me of all my happiness due to how much I enjoyed having them here. And who knows when I even get to see them again!?

Whenever I get into this rut, I try to remember to be thankful. I'm not always great with my words, but sometimes it helps me to actually write it out. So, here's my list for today:

• I have recently been able to hang out with my incredible friends from Utah that I miss each and everyday.
• I have a job.
• I have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and a car to drive.
• My laptop still works after 5+ years of having it (and it runs the same as it did the first day I got it. Thank you, Apple). 
• There is a man that I am lucky enough to call my boyfriend and he accepts how weird I am and holds me through all of my pointless tears.
• Dinner consisted of an oatmeal-banana pancake with peanut butter and strawberry jam. And boy was it de - wait for it - lightful.
• I went an entire winter without seeing one snowflake.
• I've had the ability to do Insanity (the workout) and only have less than two weeks left!
• I get to go climbing for free.
• Disneyland is right around the corner. 
• My parents and my family are the coolest.
• I have the two cutest nieces ever. In the history of the world.
• There's a thing called air-conditioning.
• Pictures of cute animals.

Feeling Insane.

Well, you guys, I'm closing up on my 7th week of Insanity.

If you don't know what that is, here's a promo video. Nuts, right!?

It's a really great workout. Let me add, it's an extremely hard workout. There are two phases of four weeks each, with a "cool down week" in between, adding to a total of 9 weeks. I thought the first four weeks were tough, and boy was I wrong. They kicked it up about 10 notches for the last four, but I'm actually pretty glad that they did. It has been kicking my booty, but I'm loving it! I feel significantly more energized throughout the day and I absolutely feel much stronger than I did before I started Insanity.

I didn't notice much of a difference in my body for the first few weeks, but some people have assured me I'm looking better. Since I started phase two, I've definitely seen a lot more improvement. So hopefully by the end of all this, I'll finally be comfortable with myself.

If anything, at least I'm healthier and in better shape than I was before I started. I'd recommend this workout to people who aren't completely out of shape. Just bear with it and it'll get better!

Random Updates

Zion National Park is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. I'm sad I could only stay for basically a day. We were able to hike Angels Landing which was fantastic! The hike is pretty intense, and only gets better as you get to the fin and have to scramble your way up the rocks on the mountain. So. Much. Fun! I'd recommend it to anyone who is in decent shape. Just make sure to be careful :) I hope to be able to return soon and hike all of the other areas.

In regards to other aspects in my life, I have been pretty busy and haven't been climbing as often as I'd like. Hopefully I don't get too rusty! Lead lining still scares me a lot, but I think it'll get better with more practice.

I also started Insanity (the workout) last week! I'm on what I think is Day 9. It's been hard, but I definitely feel more energized, and I always feel super happy when I've completed a work out! So far I personally haven't seen any improvements on my body, but I'm hoping that I will in the next few weeks. The workouts sure are intense, so I'm hoping to have that as my reward! If not, at least I'll be in better shape. :)

Valentine's Day

I've got a question for everyone. Why do people think Valentine's Day is so awful?

I realize that Valentine's Day is made out to be for people in a relationship, but I'd like to think it's about so much more than that.

If you're not in a relationship, why not make this day about learning to love yourself? Buy yourself some chocolate. Read your favorite book. Watch a movie that makes you feel good. Go shopping. Pamper yourself. Take some time and dedicate it to YOU.

Or spend the day letting your closest friends and family know how much you love and care about them. I don't think there is ever a wrong time to do that.

How about spend the day giving service to the less fortunate? Volunteer. It'll sure make you feel good!

So I vote we stop with this whole "I hate Valentine's Day because I'm lonely and my life sucks" crap, because you're not only bringing everyone else down, but you're ruining a perfect opportunity to have a wonderful day yourself.

And if none of that will convince you to be okay on Valentine's Day, just remember that candy is always super cheap the next day. ;)

Frustrations.

You guys, we all know that I'm not the most proactive/energetic/excited-about-physical-activities person. So, having found something that I not only love and also allowing me to participate in a decent exercise, I have been pretty enthused! And what is this particular activity, you may ask (assuming that you haven't heard my incessant ramblings on the subject)? Climbing. Rock climbing.

Okay, so I'm not the greatest at it. In fact, I'm far from that. But I feel that I have come a long way in the past four or so months that I have been doing it. The first few weeks were spent with a frustrated climbing partner who couldn't focus on my climb for more than 30 seconds at a time while I was struggling to climb up 5.6s and 5.7s (the grades used to sound like bra sizes to me. I have the mind of a 13 year old boy, no big deal). Eventually, I hit my stride as I improved to 5.8s, 5.9s, and finally I'm in the middle of working on all the different levels that can be found in 5.10s!

Because I started out this activity with little-to-no arm strength (let's be honest, NO arm strength) and because I was using my arms in movements that they weren't used to in the least, I got tendinitis in my forearms. Tendinitis sounds a lot worse than it is - The remedy is basically rest, advil around the clock, and icing your arms to get the swelling to go down. And you're good to go! I suffered through that for a few weeks because I had become addicted to climbing and didn't want to rest long enough to let my arms heal.

Eventually the tendinitis went away in my forearms and I was able to climb normally again. However, I believe it is back in my bicep region because not only has it been hurting for the past couple weeks, but I woke up much earlier than my alarm clock this morning to the most intense pain ever. Now, it's back to resting and taking time off of climbing, which I am thoroughly upset about. All I want to do is climb. I think about it most of the time, and I even dream about it. This is going to be torture.

So there you have it. This blog post is a little pointless and is all about me venting, but I hope it also allows my friends to get some insight to how I feel about this new chapter in my life, and how deeply it has been ingrained in me. I love climbing and I think everyone should do it. I've got free guest passes and would love to take anyone willing.

kaythanksbai!