It's happening.

Almost 4 whole years ago, I left my comfortable home and life in sunny southern California and moved two states away to Utah. I cried the morning I left. I cried for a good portion of the drive up. And I cried most nights for a couple months once I finally moved in to my dorm room. I felt so alone, and I hardly knew anyone at all.

I tried my hardest to keep in good contact with all of my friends from back home. I was constantly promising them (as well as myself) that once my first semester at BYU was up, I was going to move back home. Well, things changed. My friends moved on (understandably - life doesn't stop for anyone). And I finally resolved to commit to Utah for a while.

Friends were finally made. And I started to become comfortable with my new life in Utah, although I couldn't quite call it "home" for a very long time.

A year into my journey, I met a man who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I thought that I'd had my whole life figured out from then on. We were going to get married, have a beautiful boy and girl, and live a happy life together.

Life rarely happens according to plan.

I've spent the last year picking up the broken pieces of my heart and trying to figure out how to reconstruct my life to get to where I need to go. It's been an overwhelming and very emotional process. I have been nothing short of crazy, and I thank everyone who has stuck by me and loved me regardless.

In this process, I have come to the conclusion that Utah is not where I'm meant to be. In just under 3 weeks, I will be moving back to my home in California. This has been a much harder decision than I ever would have imagined. My "4 years ago self" would be shaking her head at my reluctance to leave the place I used to hold so many negative feelings for. But the thing is, I've learned to call this place home. I've made unforgettable memories and gained some of the most incredible friends I could have ever asked for. I've learned to love the outdoors and going hiking and climbing and being in all of this beautiful nature. It's going to be very hard to leave.

But it's going to be good. I've moved my life once, and I can definitely do it again. I don't know what California has to offer me yet, but I'm going to embrace it with open arms. And then, come 2013, I will *hopefully* be moving to the beautiful city of Portland, OR - This is if life decides to cooperate with me on this decision, so I guess we will see for sure as the time gets closer.

With all of this happening and the end of my time in Utah approaching, I've been trying to figure out what it is that I have learned from my experiences here. I've grown a lot more in the last 4 years than I probably have in my entire life. What do I have to show for it all? I don't have a degree (which yes, I'm very embarrassed and disappointed about). I don't have a husband (and really, I'm not that upset about. That's just why most girls come out to Utah I think). So if I don't have those things, what do I have?

I guess I've learned what not to do in my future relationships, or what not to accept.
I've also learned that as much love as you can have for someone, sometimes you're just not meant to be, and that's okay.
I've learned that I'm a lot stronger emotionally than I thought I was.
I've learned how to go grocery shopping for myself (but Taco Bell will always be better than the grocery store).
I've learned how to earn my own money and pay bills.
I've learned how to buy a car.
I've learned that going for a long ride in the car with music blasting is the best form of therapy.
I've learned that life will always go on, and that hard times won't last forever.
I've learned what a true friend is.
I've learned that if you want something, you have to go after it yourself; things won't always just come to you.
I've learned how to handle someone close to you dying.
I've learned how to be more independent.
I've learned to think before I react - At least sometimes.
I've learned to be more patient and understanding.
I've learned to be more thankful.
And I've learned a lot more about who I am.