Peace, at last.

I guess this happens every time, and yet, I'll probably never learn my lesson.

The morning when I was leaving home in California to progress on in my life and move up to Utah, I cried. For hours. I spent days before crying on and off because I was going to be leaving those I was so familiar with; those whom I had grown to love so much and spent all my time with. I was leaving all those things that I was accustomed to, and that I was so comfortable with. For me, life couldn't get any better than that. I had amazing friends. I had a great job that I loved (how many people can really say that?). I had little to no expenses to pay for, but for things that I, myself, wanted. "How could I give this up?", I thought.

Then I moved up to Utah. I was literally depressed for months. I found friends here and there, most of which I NEVER talk to anymore. I honestly can't say that I know where they are, or what they are doing now? My first experience away from home was telling me how big of a mistake I had made. And to make matters worse, I found out how much I truly hate snow. I really do. I had resolved very quickly that I'd move back to Utah by the end of my second semester at school.

However, I suppose that when you move away, you find out who your true friends are; you see exactly who really misses you. Those first few visits back home were incredible. All of my friends wanted to see me; I couldn't make enough time for everyone. I felt completely loved and let the love envelope me entirely. That doesn't last very long though.

Time goes by. The trips you make home become shorter; the people you see become close to diminished; the love you feel seems to be fading away.

Every time I make plans to come home, I become overwhelmed with joy. "This time will be different", I say. "This time, people will actually have time for me. They'll want to see me and things will go back to the way they used to be." Oh, why do I have to be such an optimist? Maybe life would be better if i didn't set my expectations so high, that way, I wouldn't get disappointed so often.

I have found that my family really does care for me. They are the ones who really do get excited when I come home (even if they are late picking me up from the airport ;) ). I have now found that I am spending most of my time with them, which I have also found has filled me with an even greater sense of love than I had before. I discovered that when I do get homesick, sure I miss my friends a lot, but I have missed my family even more. And they're the ones who are going to stick by my side no matter what anyway, right?

This isn't meaning that my friends from California are gone forever; I have just come to the understanding that lives move on, and people move on, and you know what... That's okay. When I do see those friends, it'll be really nice and awesome. I'm just glad to know that my family will really always be here for me.

Also... My life in Utah has become 100% better. I have made amazing friends, who aren't replacing my old ones, just filling the vacant spots that have been there all along. And I've learned to deal with the snow, but it does help that this winter was way less 'snowy' than last winter.

And last, but certainly not least, I have found someone that I truly love with all of my heart, and I know he loves me in return, which DEFINITELY helps me love my life in Utah. James is incredible, and he has also brought so many other amazing people into my life as well.

Moral of the story: Home is where the heart is. Half of my heart will always be in California... And now half of it resides in Utah. And I have found peace in this at last.